AKC Fast CAT: What to Expect (In Excruciating Depth)

Hello again! I have been so excited to talk about this ever since Delia’s first fast CAT event, and now here we are several weeks after her second. But I’m still very excited to share our experience, maybe introduce some people to this fun sport, and help anyone who is unsure what to expect. This is going to be an excruciatingly thorough post, along the lines of my posts about female corgis in season or degenerative myelopathy. So buckle in and bring snacks.

Objectives

At the time of writing this, I have attended a grand total of two fast CAT events, so I’m definitely not some expert here! But I wanted to make this post anyway for nerds like me who allay their anxieties through research for people like me who like to read as much as they can find prior to doing a new thing.

When I was gearing up for Delia’s first fast CAT event, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. The AKC website gave a broad overview of what the sport was, the rules and point system and how it was all set up. And an article from Purina went into a bit more detail.

But neither of those sources answered what my socially-inept-self truly wanted to know: What would it look like when I got there? Who did I need to talk to, how would the interactions go, where should I stand, what things would I be presumed by others to know and feel like a dummy for not knowing? What was the atmosphere like: Competitive or convivial? Clique-y or welcoming? Snobby or down-to-earth? And since I was going alone, who would release or catch Delia for me?

And then, by continuing down the search results, I found this fantastic, reassuring post. The first-person experience was exactly what I was looking for. I definitely recommend you go and read that one too! The author’s name is Terry Ann—I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me, but she did a lot to alleviate my anxiety!

But me being me, I wanted more posts like that. I’ve never been satisfied with one article, one podcast, even one entire book on a subject. I was the check-out-and-devour-everything-the-library-has-on-a-subject type of kid. Even if the information was repetitive. I’ve moved beyond that stage in life where one feels one is unique, so I know there is an entire population of people out there whose brains work like mine. And I know there are also a lot of people like my former roommate, who would rather ask questions and hear first-hand experience from a variety of people than do formal research.

I hope this post can add to the reading material about fast CAT for all the ones out there who feel calmer as they consume more and more information on the topic, even if none of it is new. And I hope that the candid, personal experience aspect will be the next best thing for those who don’t have anyone in their life they can ask about fast CAT, but who prefer to learn that way.

I told you this was going to be excruciatingly thorough. So you didn’t think I would just dive in without a lengthy caveat explaining why I’m posting, did you? Anyway, it’s over now. Let’s go!

What is Fast CAT?

I won’t be repetitive when I can link instead! I explained it in this post. Besides, if you found this, there is a good chance you already know what fast CAT is.

Can My Dog Do Fast CAT?

If your dog is a pup, you need to wait until they are at least 12 months of age. Before that, you may be able to find a club offering “fun runs” which don’t count for points, but just allow your dog to practise chasing the lure.

Your dog should also be in good health and reasonably fit. Since carrying extra weight means extra stress on the joints and extra difficulty breathing, you wouldn’t want to enter a dog that is overweight. And a dog that is showing signs of lameness will not be allowed to run. While plenty of brachycephalic (“smushed-face”) dogs run fast CAT and rock it (I got to release a gorgeous Boston terrier at our last event and he was terrific!) do remember that breathing problems or lack thereof vary between individuals, and that high temperatures can be a problem for some of these guys.

Furthermore, the entire fun of fast CAT is watching your dog having fun! We don’t always have a lot of opportunities to let our dogs just run with wild abandon. We’ll get into this in more detail, but if your dog doesn’t take to this and love it, it would be far better to find something they do love.

That said, your dog doesn’t have to be particularly fast. The great fun of watching fast CAT is the variety. Yes, you have the whippets who make you hold your breath and marvel that an animal can move like that. But it was equally fun to watch a Saint Bernard lumbering down the course, clocking in at nearly twice Delia’s time, but with the silliest grin on his face all the way. And even if you would like to be competitive in the sport, you’re only ranking against the dogs in your own breed. So your Clumber spaniel will never be compared against a greyhound! Plus, your dog will earn points for each qualifying run, whether they’re particularly fast or not. So it will take longer for a slower dog to title, but they’ll get there if you stick with it. And if your dog is having fun, that’s really what this sport is about.

Does My Dog Have to Have “Papers”?

If you have a mixed-breed dog, an unregistered purebred, or a dog whose breed is not AKC recognised, you may see AKC and assume this event is not for you. But actually, your dog can participate in a variety of AKC sports, and fast CAT is one of them!

If your dog is AKC registered, whether limited or full (limited meaning you don’t have the ability to show you dog in AKC conformation or register any of its offspring with AKC), then you’re already good to go. If not, you just need to do some paperwork first and make sure your dog fits the requirements. Once you’ve done this, your dog can participate in and earn titles in fast CAT as well as many other sports.

You will want to get this process started as far in advance of the fast CAT event you’re hoping to attend as possible! And the first step is to determine which registration you need.

If your dog is a mixed breed (or an unrecognised or designer breed), you will want to register with the AKC Canine Partners Program.

Sometimes dogs that are purebred can’t be registered with AKC for a variety of reasons, or were registered, but their papers have been lost. In that case, you can do a Purebred Alternative Listing (PAL).

And finally, this is a little less common, but Foundation Stock Service (FSS) is for select breeds that are in the process of AKC recognition. A lot of the breeds on the list are somewhat rare, and I haven’t heard of all of them. Among the more well-known breeds in FSS are the Catahoula Leopard Dog, the American Bulldog, and the Jindo.

How Can I Find An Event?

The easy way to find an event near you is to go to AKC event search. You will want to check “fast CAT” under the Performance Events drop-down. You can put in your state (or multiple states) OR you can search by the distance from your city. That will bring up the upcoming events that are sanctioned by AKC.

There is also a website called InfoDog. You can click on your state and scroll down looking at the “Type” column until you see “FCAT.” If you’re only looking for fast CAT events, I don’t find it’s as easy to use as AKC event search. But it will bring you all of the upcoming AKC events in your state, so if you’re interested in other sports, including conformation dog shows, you might find it very helpful.

You might also be able to find a website or a group or something that will keep you informed of any and all local events pertaining to dogs. For example in the northwest, there’s a Facebook group called NW Dog Events, and all sorts of dog events and activities get posted there. A source like that is good if you want to find out about unofficial events, like practise “fun runs,” which you won’t find by searching AKC or InfoDog.

I Found an Event! Now What?

While you can show up day-of and enter your dog, you run the risk of not being able to run if they don’t have spots left. Plus, many clubs give a discount for pre-entries, and you will only pay if you actually run. So if your dog winds up injured or in heat by that time, there’s no loss. It makes the most sense, then, to enter in advance.

In order to enter, you’re going to look for a form called the premium. It might be on AKC or InfoDog under the event information. But if you’re looking at a date that’s more than a few weeks out, it’s likely the premium will not be out yet. What you will definitely find in the event info is the name and contact for the event secretary. When I contacted the secretary for our first event, she said she would be putting out the premium in a week or so, and gave me a link for where to find it on the club’s website. Then for our next event with that same club, I knew to just keep checking the club website until the premium was posted.

What is a Premium?

It’s essentially a document that includes the rules and details of the event, information for entering, and the entry forms.

The premium will give the deadline for early entries, and the limit for the amount of dogs. The events I have gone to both had a limit of 135. If that was reached before the deadline, you would be put on a waitlist. So depending on how popular fast CAT is in your area, I wouldn’t wait until close to the deadline.

You need to print it and fill out 1 form per dog that you are entering. You will need your dog’s papers to do this, whether that’s the AKC registration, Canine Partners, PAL, or FSS, like we discussed earlier. Fill it out and check off the tests that you want to run. You can run your dog up to two times per day, and you pay for each run.

Next you will send the form in, along with the payment, according to the instructions on the premium. And that’s it!

It’s My Dog’s First Time! Should I Sign Up for Just One Test to See If She Likes It?

For our first event, I decided to only sign up for the Friday morning test, because I wanted to see how it went. Once I got there, I heard from a couple of people that it might take a couple of times before it truly clicked for her. And I found out how true that was!

Because of what happened at the corgi races with my brother releasing her and Delia not knowing where I was, I decided I would release her, and a friend would catch her for me.

Well, when I let go of her she took off in that kind of hesitant, gliding-hopping rabbit way, if that makes sense to you? And once she had just barely made it past the timers, she did a beautiful little arc without stopping…and came tearing full speed back to me.

Pity they couldn’t have counted her running back!

I was itching for another shot, to see how she would do if I caught her instead of releasing. But I had heard that they were completely full. At the end of the day though, I decided to go and ask the secretary if they maybe had a waitlist. Better, she said, they had tons of empty spots! I signed up for the AM and the PM the next day.

Well, Delia’s second run was slower than the first time, because, as you can see in that photograph above, she stopped and was looking for me on the sidelines. The highway was right behind the end of the course, and seemed to interfere with a lot of dogs’ directional hearing. And she didn’t realise I would be at the end.

On neither of these runs so far had she seemed to notice the “bunny” (the lure) at all.

The third time she ran more or less straight for me, but she ran with uncertainty, only picking up speed when she could clearly see me, and, I suppose, separate my voice out of the traffic noise. What got me excited was that at that moment, now that she knew for sure where I was, she could turn her attention to something else… And that’s when she finally noticed the bunny! For those last couple feet, she seemed engaged with it.

In fact, once she ran past the bunny and got to me, she ran back to where it had stopped and bit it once for good measure! Haha.

And the reason that’s a big deal: if the dog isn’t chasing the bunny, then it’s really just a 100 yard recall. And they might recall pretty fast, but not as fast as they’ll be if they’re putting everything they’ve got into trying to catch up with that lure.

So it took three times for it to start to click. (And incidentally, of that weekend her fastest time was the first one! And that was still quite slow.) And everyone I spoke with said that it takes a few runs for the dog to really figure it out. I think especially since many of our dogs have been trained not to chase things, there’s a little bit of hesitation until they realise that’s what they’re allowed to do in this situation.

All of which is to say: if you can, I would definitely recommend signing up for more than one run. If you only do one run and then wait weeks or even months before you get to do it again, it’s going to take a little longer for your dog to “get it.” Which is fine, and as long as they complete the course, they earn points anyway, and those points will rack up. But if you can, I would definitely recommend running your dog at least three times at that first event.

How Do I Train My Dog for Fast CAT?

I think a lot of the draw of fast CAT and why it is such a good gateway sport is that very little training is needed. It’s in the name: Coursing Ability Test. At its heart, this is a test of the dog’s own instinct. Some dogs may need a bit of encouragement before they figure out the game, but at the end of the day, either a dog has the drive to chase, or it doesn’t.

But there still are things you can do. The first thing is to make sure your dog isn’t afraid of a plastic bag zoomin’ fast.

I’ve surely talked about flirt poles before. They’re a great way to exercise your dog and to gauge how much your dog likes to chase. In preparation for fast CAT, I simply tied a plastic bag to the end of our flirt pole and encouraged Delia to chase it. I would let her catch it only very rarely, just enough to keep her from becoming too frustrated and giving up. And I never made her drop it, instead I would shower her with treats and celebrate, which would get her to drop it of her own accord and the game could immediately begin again. I wanted her to have zero hesitancy, zero negativity around that bag.

So I definitely recommend the flirt pole method as a good way to get your dog hyped up and bunny-obsessed.

Because being in good physical shape will allow your dog to run their best, you can also look into canine conditioning exercises. I’m just in the early stages of researching this and I’ve kind of put it on the back burner. But one thing is that I notice is that it would seem in order to propel themselves forward the dog needs to have a strong core and powerful back legs. When Delia is working with her herding ball, I see her using those muscles; flexing her core, springing herself forward with her rear legs muscles, and relying a lot on the strength of that loin. I don’t know very much about this stuff, but from what I see it looks like it’s a good workout for her, aside from the primary motives of giving her an outlet for her herding instincts and, above all, it simply being her favourite thing to do.

I will never stop recommending herding balls for my fellow corgi owners! And this is just one more reason.

What Do I Need Gear-Wise?

All you truly need is two leashes: one for the releaser and one for the catcher. Your dog can run with or without a flat collar, as long as nothing is dangling (so no tags etc.). This is to eliminate even the slim possibility of the dog becoming caught in the mechanism the lure runs on.

Many choose to use some sort of a slip, limited slip, French martingale, or coursing lead. I got a beautiful coursing lead for Delia, but I only used it the one time that I released her. I forgot it at home the second day of that event, and at our next event, rather than ask the lady releasing for me if she knew how to use it, I decided to just make it simple and have her take off Delia’s snap-buckle collar and let her go.

So, it’s up to you. But certainly, you don’t need anything fancy for this sport.

What Do I Wear?

Be comfortable. You’re going to see people who are also there for conformation and are quite dressed up, but if you’re just there for fast CAT, dress for a sporting event!

I wanted to spectate at some of the breed rings afterward, and I wore my usual dress-code of, as I like to call it, pyjamas disguised as business casual. Comfy stretchy pants, comfy boots, a comfy top, but then a smart little jacket.

I don’t recommend this approach. A lot of people asked if we were there for conformation as well, and gave me quizzical looks when I said no. The next event, it was much colder and rainy, and also I had to get on the road just before 5am in the dark, so I wore polar fleece and rainboots, and I felt much more blended-in! So dress down.

What Is the Atmosphere Like?

I found it to be quite welcoming. By and large, people aren’t taking the game too seriously to have a good time. If it’s your first time, many will be eager to help. If your dog does something embarrassing, people are by and large ready to laugh with you.

It is quite a chaotic environment. Many dogs are vocalising, jumping around, barking at one another… In this sport, you really don’t want to dampen your dog’s enthusiasm, because that’s exactly what they need in order to do their best. They don’t need focus on you, they don’t need to follow any commands. It’s all about them losing their mind for the bunny and stopping at nothing to catch it. So it’s different to other sports in that you really don’t need to interfere with or channel the dog’s excitement. And as a result, I saw dogs who have titles in disciplined sports like obedience and agility losing their minds a little bit in the fast CAT line. Clearly, these dogs can control themselves in chaotic environments. Their owners could likely say a word and have them at attention. But that’s not what fast CAT is about. Dogs at fast CAT are very much on their own time.

That said, it’s probably not a bad thing if you can work on getting your dog used to these environments. It’s one thing for a dog to be vocalising their excitement and having a great time, but you need to make sure it really is excitement and not anxiety.

As for Delia, she was incredibly calm. She was interested in watching the goings on, but she was chill about it and even took a nap at one point. It remains to be seen if, once she catches onto why we’re there, she’ll maintain that calm demeanor or end up losing her mind with excitement too.

But the bottom line is, relax!

What Happens When I Get There?

Your premium will tell you when check-in time begins, and you can show up at that time and get in line. My recommendation is to let people around you know that this is your first time. I found the environment to be extremely welcoming to newbies, and everyone wants to help you out.

You will get up to the table and give them your dog’s name, and you will be given your run slip (or slips, if you’re doing more than one run that day.) You will take that slip and go hop into another line: the line for inspection. Each dog needs to be inspected for lameness, and the females will be checked for being in season. Yes, this applies whether your girl is spayed or not.

You will give your run slip(s) to the inspector, and if you have a girl you will be given a piece of toilet tissue. You will swipe your girl, show the inspector. You will then do a down-and-back, like they do in dog shows. If you aren’t sure what that looks like, go to AKC TV and watch some recordings of conformation events to get an idea of the speed you need to go at. I watched some people sprint back and forth with the dog bounding on the end of the lead…and they were made to do it again, because that doesn’t allow the inspector to evaluate the gait at all. Now, it’s not going to necessarily be polished and perfect. Dogs tend to be quite hyped-up at fast CAT, and everyone expects that. But do your best so the inspector can see that your dog is sound!

The inspector will sign the run slip and write the dog’s handicap on it, which is determined by height.

• Under 12″, your dog’s points are multiplied by 2
• 12-18″, your dog’s points are multiplied by 1.5
• Over 18″, your dog’s points are multplied by 1.

If there is any doubt of your dog’s height, they may use a wicket to measure your dog.

Then, they will hand you back the slips.

At which point you need to go and hand your run slips to the person who is putting them on the board. They will tell you where to go stand and wait, in what’s considered the paddock. After that, just wait until your dog’s name is called.

(I bolded and italicised that because I didn’t know this step. So I just went and stood in the paddock, where the lady who had been in front of me was standing. I got yelled at by the paddock master. Don’t be me.)

What If I’m Going Alone?

You do need two people, one to catch and one to release. But that doesn’t mean you have to bring someone with you if you don’t have anyone who can come, and it doesn’t mean you have to know any of the people there. There are a lot of people who come alone, and there will be someone willing to release your dog if you will release theirs.

While some clubs apparently have volunteers who are there to release dogs, what I wouldn’t do is count on it, unless you know your club does that. When you go up to the check-in table, they’re going to ask if you have someone to release our dog. So it’s best to get that sorted before you approach.

At the last event we went to, they were short on volunteers. The lady in front of me asked the check-in person whether someone could release her dog. The club member she spoke to was clearly a bit tired and overwhelmed and told her she needed to arrange that herself, that they were severely shorthanded. I spoke up (me?! Apparently sleep deprivation gives me social confidence!) and offered to release her dog if she could release Delia. So that worked out perfectly. But it was clear that the volunteers, especially when short-handed, really appreciate you making your own arrangements!

At the first event, my friend who was there for conformation was able to release Delia the first day. Her pup isn’t old enough for fast CAT yet, so she just wanted to check out how it all worked. She was busy the next day. When I got there, I started talking with the lady behind me in line, because she had Schipperkes and that’s a breed I was interested in and had never seen in person. And then I asked if she had someone to release for her, and there you go. I think it helps too if you’re willing to release someone’s two dogs and you only have one. 😉

But yeah, don’t be shy! There are plenty of people in the same boat as you.

When It’s Your Turn

Most people recommend that you be the one to catch your dog, as most dogs will run faster if their human is calling them at the other end. Others prefer to release their dog, because their dog is particularly difficult to control, or because they like to get their dog super hyped up at the start line, or for some other reason I haven’t heard yet. You can experiment with both and see what works best for you. Of course, if you’re trading releases with someone, you’ll probably get to play both roles regardless. So I’m going to talk about both.

Releasing

The person releasing needs the run slip in hand. You get in line with the dog and wait your turn. When you get to the front of the line, you will hand your run slip to the person, probably clipboard in hand, who is recording the times. At our last event I got to volunteer recording times for a bit. Then, wait until the lure operator tells you to come into the release pen or opens the gate for you.

You’re going to get back as far from the start as you like. The timer will be triggered when the dog runs past it, so it’s preferable to be back a bit, because that will allow the dog to accelerate before starting the clock, if that makes sense. So that when their time starts, they are up to speed.

If the lure is on a continuous loop system, meaning that it returns from the end of the course to the beginning on a single line, that line is going to be going through the centre of the release pen. You can release on either side of it, just make sure not to step on it or trip over it.

You’re going to get ready to release, whatever that means. When I released the Schipperkes, they had slip leads and I just took those off and held them by their shoulders. If you have a coursing lead, get that all situated and ready. Etc.

The lure operator will likely ask you to say when you’re ready. Then, you’ll wait for the word: “Tally-ho!” And with that, let the dog loose! Don’t release the dog before they say the word.

Then, once the run is over, you’re going to exit the pen, take your copy of the run slip (they’re on carbon paper so that you keep one and the club keeps one). You’ll also be given a blue flat ribbon, which just signifies that it was a qualifying run. Of course, if you released the dog for someone else, you will give these things to them.

Be sure to thank everyone and be kind. In most cases, these people are just volunteers. Appreciation goes a long way.

Catching

When you’re catching, you need to give your run slip and your dog to whoever is releasing. Then, you will typically go walk all the 100 yards to the other end, and wait in line there.

Now, I say typically, because if you ask, you will likely be permitted to wait until your dog enters the release pen and then walk down to the end inside the course, so that the dog knows exactly where you went. If this is your dog’s first time, this may be helpful to the dog. However, it obviously does take up a bit more time as everyone has to wait for you to walk 100 yards. So be cognisant of that.

Make sure to have a leash with you!

You are allowed to call the dog, jump up and down, shout encouragement, etc. But by rules, you are not allowed to use food or toys or anything to entice the dog through the course.

When the dog gets to the end, do attempt to catch him in as timely a fashion as possible. Try not to allow the dog to mark or eliminate in the exit pen if at all possible. Many dogs will have to go after they’ve run, so that’s another reason to be quick.

Adding Up Your Points

The number written on your run slip is the course time in seconds. You need to convert this to MPH. Printed on the bottom of the run slip is the formula you can use to do this. You will then multiply the MPH by the dog’s handicap, and there you go. Those are the dog’s points.

It’s important to keep track of adding up the points yourself. Those points will eventually be available to view under your account on the AKC website, but data entry errors are apparently all too common, so you should have your own records in case a correction must be made.

These are the titles your dog can earn in fast CAT:

• BCAT: 150 points
• DCAT: 500 points
• FCAT: 1,000 points

After that, each additional 500 points becomes FCAT(#). So, FCAT1, FCAT2, etc.

Most clubs will provide rosettes for a new title, but they don’t have a way of knowing that your dog titled because they don’t know how many points you have. So, again, you need to keep track of your dog’s points, and then go and let them know when your dog titles so they can give you your ribbon.

I also read that if you can reasonably expect your dog will be titling at an event because you’re only a few points away, it’s courteous to give the club a heads up when you send in your entry form and payment. That way they can order the right amount of ribbons. I had no idea that Delia would get her BCAT at our second event, so I didn’t do this. But if you know, it’s a good thing to do.

In a few weeks time, you’ll receive a certificate from AKC in recognition of the new title, just as you do for other AKC titles. The fast CAT title is a performance title that comes after the dog’s registered name. For example, Delia is now formally known as “Outlands Jewel of the Sagebrush Sea BCAT.”

Once you get you get a title, you don’t start over at 0. Your points keep accumulating toward the next title. So to illustrate, Delia has her BCAT, and she also has 152 points toward her DCAT.

Where Do The Cool Pictures Come From?

Many, but not all, fast CAT events will have a photographer there taking pictures of the dogs running. At our first event, the photographer had a table set up with business cards and an email sign-up list so that we could be notified when the photos were available for purchase. About a week after the event, the photos were up online.

The photographer was Bart Brinkmann, and he was phenomenal! He took soooooo many photos! I only purchased photos of one of Delia’s runs, and there were over 60 photos of just that one run! And that’s where I got all the awesome photos of Delia in this post—the ones that weren’t clearly taken with a shaky hand and a smart phone camera (not dissing smart phone cameras. They’re pretty great, and are all I am personally qualified to so much as touch without breaking.)

At our last event, due to super heavy rain, there wasn’t a photographer on the day we ran. So no pictures.

You are absolutely allowed to take your own photo and/or video of your dog running. But I definitely recommend taking advantage of the opportunity to have some gorgeous professional shots if you can!

Breed Rankings

Another cool thing about fast CAT is that you can see the fastest dogs of each breed. To be on the list, your dog needs at least 3 qualifying runs, and their ranking will be the average of their three fastest runs. Now, beware that there have been some data entry errors that resulted in laughably—and by laughably I mean physically impossible—high speeds. And in some breeds, the speed of the supposed fastest dog has been called into question as highly unlikely. But, controversies aside, it’s a very cool list. (If you have time on your hands and apparently nothing to do with it, you might spot Delia somewhere in the Pembroke Welsh Corgi ranks.)

And the top 3 of each breed get invited by AKC to the invitational each year. So if you’re a competitive person, you can certainly aim for that. But the cool thing about fast CAT is that it remains a sport where you don’t have to be competitive. Most people are just comparing their dog’s time against the dog’s own personal best. And for most everyone you speak with, the fun of it remains seeing their dog just be a dog, running with absolute, unbridled, joyful abandon.

Because seeing a happy dog just brings joy to the human heart in a special kind of way. Especially when that happy dog is your own. Our dogs do so much for us, and we expect so much from them. We often need them to go against their instincts in order to function and be safe in this human world. You can’t chase this, you can’t bite that, you mustn’t bark right now, don’t dig, don’t herd the children, don’t guard your food. And that’s the way it has to be, of course, and they’re happy to go along with it, because they’re very special beings and because we have bacon. And chicken. And cheese. Still, I think the greatest gift we can give them is the opportunity to simply be a dog. To just do something that comes naturally to them, not something they have to learn and think about.

I’m so excited to try out more sports and activities with Delia. If you’re interested in getting into dog sports, I think fast CAT is a great way to jump in. There’s not much of a learning curve here. You don’t have to invest practically anything in the way of training or equipment. It has really nothing to do with your skill as a handler, as opposed to something like agility. And so you just get to skip right to watching your dog have a great time. And get some pretty ribbons to boot. Humans like the pretty things.

And that’s it! That’s the end of this excruciatingly in-depth post. I don’t know if this was useful or not. If I missed anything, let me know. Or if I messed up anything.

If you like rambling posts that are simply too long, really just objectively, but all the more so in an age where people have increasingly little patience to read anything at all—if for some reason you’re here for that, well, you will just love the rest of my blog! There are probably only like 20 of you on this entire planet, and I’m so glad to have found another one. I’m collecting them, you see. And so I’m very sorry, but you are now not allowed to leave. Please put in your email address at the bottom of the page so that you never miss a post. Or, you can go ‘Like’ our Facebook page, where we post links to each post as well as other occasional shorter content. There’s a link to that at the bottom of the page as well.

And that’s it. That’s all. That’s ‘all,’ I say: after nearly 7,000 words, and after I’ve just basically abducted you. But… Yes. That’s all.

Have a lovely day!